Learn About Holistic Divorce

Introduction

If you are getting divorced, even under the most amicable of circumstances, you are going through a challenging time right now. Everything is changing. Life may feel overwhelming, unpredictable, and perhaps at times, just downright painful. While there is no magic wand to wave which will fast forward you to the future when this is successfully behind you, we can offer you something that actually is pretty magical: a meditation practice. 

WAIT! I know. Most people's reaction to the idea of meditation include:

• I don't have time.
• I can't sit still and chant "om."
• That's not my thing. 
• It's a little weird.
• I will be bored.
• It won't help me.
• I don't need it. I exercise, and that's my relaxation.
• I can't add one more "healthy to-do" item to my daily routine.

But the thing is, meditation is not what people expect. It is not a way to relax (although you may emerge feeling more relaxed). Nor do you have to be seated or chanting. You are not expected to clear your mind. And you do not even have to close your eyes. 

Meditation

Meditation, is simply a way to develop mindfulness. Through meditation, you become "mindful" or "aware" of your mind thinking (which is what minds are built to do). You learn to observe these thoughts and see them as separate from yourself. This lets you notice when they yank you, willy-nilly, all around. You start to appreciate that emotions are just mental experiences (which come and go like the weather). You begin to understand how your mind works, how thoughts are tied to physical feelings and sensations, and how you can use all of this knowledge to be more in control of your life experience. 

Meditation uses mindfulness as the foundation for developing truly worthwhile skills that make the highs of life more enjoyable and the lows of life more tolerable, and everything in between, well--just easier. With a meditation practice you can learn how to:

• stay in control no matter what emotion you are experiencing
• communicate effectively
• have clarity about your core needs and values
• develop empathy and understanding of the core needs and values of others
• develop better relationships
• experience gratitude in a way that reshapes your ideas about what matters
• enhance your ability to focus
• nurture a sense of equanimity which makes you feel less anxious about the unknown.

It should come as no surprise that these very skills can make the divorce process more productive and efficient, and leave individuals with better relationships and problem-solving skills moving forward. They can also mitigate the impact of a litigated divorce and help you conduct yourself in the best possible way during the process. This can improve negotiations, decision-making, and your effectiveness in achieving the results you want. 

The HAPPIER App

The HAPPIER App (formerly Ten Percent Happier) is the brainchild of former ABC news anchor, Dan Harris. Dan experienced a panic attack on-air, and for him, this was a watershed moment that inspired him to not only learn and practice meditation, but to also make meditation accessible to everyone in a way that works for them. To this end, he co-created an amazing app with corresponding podcasts and web content which curates some of the best meditations, teachers, and relevant content out there. After reviewing many mediation apps, we selected the HAPPIER App because it is super easy to use and really simplifies and demystifies meditation.

HAPPIER App Courses: Emotions and Relationships

One of the unique features on this app are the courses which focus on important life skills. Each course session has a short video introduction and then a 10 to 12 minute meditation. All in all, they take about 20 minutes each. 

Holistic Divorce Education integrates ideas from two of these courses that support divorce resolution while helping reset and enhance an individual's communication, co-parenting, and problem-solving capacities.  As a fringe benefit, these skills not only enhance the divorce experience but also help people become better-equipped to solve problems, maintain emotional balance, and positively evolve from the experience.  

Both courses are led by a phenomenal meditation teacher, Oren Jay Sofer. One course, Emotions, uses meditation to help people  become aware of their emotions, understand them, and experience them in a balanced and non-reactive way. The second course, Relationships, is really about Communication. In this course, people learn to use mindfulness to communicate skillfully which helps resolve impasses that can arise in divorce negotiations.  

The Effective Communication and Emotional Agility written materials include Meditation Course Supplements that summarize each session and the key-take aways. The supplements also show how these skills can be used in the context of divorce. The Meditation Supplements are great way to make sure you understand what took place in the meditation session, and they reinforce the ideas you are learning.

Remember, there is no one way to meditate. Do what works for you, but as the saying goes--just do it! Meditation can exponentially improve your divorce experience and transform the way you experience life.